Teen Father's

Too often, we focus on teen mom's who place their children in loving homes with adoptive parents, never thinking about the birth father's and their sacrifices. The main reason, I think, is because most of these father's find out about their children, and take off physically or emotionally. They say things like "Take care of it," or, "It's not my kid." However, this is not always the case. There are several instances where birth father's are torn, and devastated with the thought of "giving up" their children, yet they agree to place their baby in a home with a stable couple who can give their child everything they can't. So if these "Dad's" are out there, why don't we ever really talk about them? Is it because emotionally we can better connect to the mother's? Or is it because while pregnancy is obvious in women, you can't tell by looking at a man if he's about to have a baby? Whatever the reason, whenever we hear of teen pregnancy, the first thing we picture is some poor girl, wandering the halls of her high school, her books in her arms and her belly protruding and leading the way, as other girls look on, judging her for her obvious poor choice. Why do we never picture the father, running around the track or practicing on the football field with his teammates? No one looks at him with judgment in their eyes, thinking things like, "What a waste", or "How tragic".
Well, this may no longer be the case, thanks to shows like Teen Mom and 16 and Pregnant. I admit, I have watched these shows, late at night on On Demand, while my children were asleep and my husband was working late. I watched as one girl fought with her parents, and her baby's father was no where to be found. I watched as another couple were drifting apart, which is normal with most teenage romances, but complicates things when a baby is on the way. I watched as another couple were trying to figure out career choices such as joining the military, a dream that both of them had, now changed with the birth of their daughter. As I watched these couples, one thing really struck me. Why haven't any of these couples thought of placing these babies in homes where there are 2 parents who have already made a commitment to each other, and are desperate to share their love with a child, but can't have one of their own? Am I being to judgemental? Some of these couples are trying desperately to stay together, while other's are so obviously falling apart. And it's all very complicated by the obvious fact that they are teenagers. Teenagers are very famous for being, um, selfish. I admit, I was the most selfish teenager I knew. It was always about what I wanted and how I felt and if it worked for me. I never gave much thought to the future, or how my actions affected the people around me. I would have made a terrible mother. Now, this is not the case for all of the mothers on this show. And, to be fair, I haven't seen every episode so I can't say for sure how all of the parents are, especially since we all know that television shows are edited. But what I do know is that at 16, most of us are not emotionally capable of the responsibility of raising a child.
Which is why I applauded one young couple on the show who decided to place their baby for adoption. The ultimate sacrifice. I can't tell you their exact reasoning, because I wasn't there. What I do know is that they wanted their daughter to have a wonderful life, one that they knew they couldn't give her. So they did the best thing they could. Words cannot fully describe the emotions I felt, watching this young couple describe what it was like to place that baby in another couple's arms. I still tear up, just thinking about it. The thing that was truly unique about this situation, was that it wasn't just the mom that discussed her feelings, but the father, as well. This boy is only 17, and he was mature enough to take responsibility for his actions, as well as make a decision based on the needs of the child, not his desire to play house. Harsh words, I know. And to anyone who I might offend, I am truly sorry. But I have to admit, I believe that in these situations, the best thing is to think of what's best for the baby, and not just what the parents want.
Okay, enough soap box moments. The reason I was writing this post is because of an episode I saw of Teen Mom not that long ago. In this episode, Tyler and Catelynn have been going through some things that no teen couple should have to go through. I won't go in to detail, but if you want to know, feel free to click on the link above and you can watch episodes of the show. The main thing that struck me was when Tyler talked about how guilty he felt placing Carly up for adoption. He felt that he shouldn't be going out and having fun, because essentially he still felt like a father. OMGOSH! I was floored. He discussed his feelings with Catelynn, and they agreed to meet with a social worker from their adoption agency, and talk about why they feel this way. This kind woman gave Tyler the number of another birth father, and they showed him on the phone, talking about Carly, and how he felt about her being gone. As the tears were streaming down his face, my heart broke for him. He didn't agree to place Carly simply because he wanted to have fun and move on with his life. He did this because he loved her, just as much as Catelynn does. So my question is, why don't we ever think about the birth dad's, and their sacrifice? I always picture the birth mom daydreaming about her baby, picturing what they would look like 10 years later, with tears going down their face. (Yes, I know, I'm very dramatic) So why do I never picture the dads? Do they dream about what it would have been like tossing the ball back and forth with their sons, or taking their little girls out for ice cream? Am I the only person who does this? Well, I will no longer only think about our baby's birth mother. I will also think about the father, and hope that he's like Tyler, who loved his daughter so much he wanted to give her more. Thank you, MTV and Teen Mom, for opening my eyes, and making me see that there's more to adoption stories than birth mother's. These children have birth father's, too. And they deserve to be recognized as well.