A New Chapter

I posted a few times about our adoption, but I thought that if I started a blog just about this adoption, I could get more in detail. Hope that makes sense.

Kyle and I started this adoption process in the beginning of March. We met with a Social Worker for our agency, A Act Of Love, and started the process. We were handed a stack, and by stack I mean stack, of paperwork. We had to fill out financial forms, get physicals, have proof of insurance, get 5 reference letters, and write 2 different letters to the birth parents. This has not been an easy road.

Some have said, "You're kids are already big. Why now?" Well, I believe that timing is everything. I know that this is the right time. This is an immensely personal experience, and the only reassurance I can give is that we were prompted to take this step. I had felt for years that we weren't finished having children. But my pregnancies were so hard, and I had a preemie and I was on bed rest with my youngest. We prayed, and we felt that Kyle needed to have a vasectomy. So, that's what we did. And yet, I still felt this little boy waiting to come to us.

That was so frustrating. At one point, I prayed, and I said, "Why did you tell us Kyle's surgery was the right thing, if you were going to tell us to have another baby?" For years, whenever adoption was brought up, Kyle's response was, "No. I don't think I would be able to treat it the same. It would always be someone else's kid." I knew that wasn't true. I knew that once they placed that baby in your arms, you would just know it's yours. That's what I've heard from adoptive parents. That was what I felt to be true.

You can imagine my surprise when one morning, as I was sitting in the pew at church, I had this fear that someone was missing. One of my kids was gone. I looked, and I counted all 3 of them. No, they're all here. Oh, no. I knew what that meant. So, I started praying. "Is this me being a drama queen?" "No." "Okay. Well, we can't afford adoption." "Have faith, and the Lord will provide." "Fine. But, Kyle and I are always on the brink of divorce." "You will not get divorced." I finally stopped arguing, and said, "Okay, but you're going to have to tell Kyle." Leilani was sitting between us, so I asked her to move. I looked at Kyle, and I whispered, "Someone is missing." "What?!" he hissed at me. Throughout that morning, I struggled with what I was feeling. I remembered a few months before, where I had this dream that Kyle and I were trying to get pregnant with a baby boy. In that dream I said, "Kyle, we can't have a baby." As I was waking up, I prayed and said, "Heavenly Father, I will do what you want me to do. Just tell me." I never expected him to answer me like this.

After we came home from church, I asked Kyle if he was ready to talk about this. "No." But he was just joking. He said, "You can't get pregnant again." "I know." Then he looked at me, and said, "We'll have to get a bigger house." "Well, Haley has bunk beds, so when the baby is bigger, we can move the baby in with her." Kyle looked at me and said, "You're going to put Haley with a boy?" "Uh, who said it was a boy?" At that point, I knew that Kyle knew. Later he told me he knew I was right when I approached him, and he knew that the money would come.

I know that to some people, Kyle and I are just baby hungry. And not everyone understands what we mean by promptings. And I know that some people even disagree with us. But here's the thing....it doesn't matter. What matters is that we know this is right. We KNOW that there's a baby boy waiting to come to us. We know that somewhere, there's a birth mother, trying to figure out what's best for her baby. And we know that when the time is right, our son will come to us.